Four years ago we brought home 3 children from Ukraine. This week we brought home 1 kid who is 10x more difficult than 3! He is very smart and very manipulative for a pint sized 5 year old. Yesterday was a very difficult day for us. I went to bed last night at 8am after spending part of the evening in tears. Slava hits the floor at 6am and goes nonstop until about 7pm. It's like utter chaos and we cannot let him out of our sight for even a second. Every time we correct him he just laughs at us. I've been crying out to God for wisdom, discernment, and HELP. We cannot do this without Him. Somewhere about 3am this morning while I was trying to get Slava back to sleep, the Lord spoke to my heart: Assume your position of authority and Slava will learn love. It was that simple but it has made a difference already. Also I realized that the first 5 years of Slava's life was regimented with no freedom. Everything and every day was structured right down to when he went to the bathroom. Since we took him from the orphanage he has not had any schedule to speak of and more freedom than he's ever known. These 2 things combined have caused a lot of his bad behavior. So this morning we began to establish a routine within reason. One that will work with our family/school schedule. And we began to make sure that we win every single battle...he must submit to our authority. This is a very draining process but one that must be followed through with. We discovered that he does have a reasonable attention span since he can sit to use markers, play dough, and certain things that we worked with him on.
As I said, he's very smart. Today as I was making him lay down for some quiet time he pulled every trick in the book to get out of it. He asked to go to the bathroom, to eat, and pleaded for help from anyone within ear shot. Then my mom walked into the room to see if I needed any help and he sat up, held out his arms, and cried, "Babushka, Babushka!" As if to say "grandma, help me!" He is one smart, tough cookie! But Mama won this battle because he was not permitted to get up until he sat still long enough to satisfy me.
Tonight I was greatly encouraged by a visit from my Pastor's wife (they have 5 kids adopted from Ukraine) and my friend Laura who was a missionary to Ukraine for many years. For some reason I've been very emotional lately which is quite unusual for me. Their visit and encouragement was a great blessing to me as well as the support from my neighbor, friends, and family. It seems as though we need just as much, if not more, prayer now then we did when we were in Ukraine. Also Jordan is having a tough time of it. So much of our time and attention are going toward Slava and his behavior issue, plus Slava isn't at the point where he's fun for Jordan to play with yet. So please keep him in your prayers too.
Sandra - this post is all too familiar to me. We adopted our son William 3 years ago at the age of 5. He was beyond easy in every way.
ReplyDeleteThis year, we brought home our 5-year-old Daniel. He sounds so much like Slava, it's almost eery. I was in tears those first few days with him Kyiv. I was in shock & tears those first weeks with him at home. He was (and still is, really) a toddler in a 5-year-old body - a tiny, malnourished 5-year-old body at that.
But God used that time to remind me of a lot of things. For one, it was a big reminder of how we treat God: a Father who loves us, wants to teach us and protect us. Yet, we rebel & push Him away. God taught me to take things one day, one hour, and sometimes one moment at a time. He's taught me to enjoy small victories, and to be thankful for the progress that Daniel makes, even when it seems like it's one step forward & 10 steps back.
We've now been home for 4 1/2 months. Thankfully, the last 6 - 8 weeks have brought much more progress. He seems to be beginning to understand expectations. His language is exploding. I can let him out of my sight in the house for short periods of time. He isn't tearing up EVERYTHING in sight.
I'm reminded of the FROG acronym: Fully Rely on God. That's the only way we can really get through all that is being sent our way these days. But God is so much bigger than these challenges. And I'm thankful that this unruly child is finally starting to accept love and family, and that we're beginning to break down walls & barriers that were built over the first 5 years of his life. I pray that same for you & your family!
Jenn in Georgia